The walking away part is the hardest part. The dealing with change is the scariest. I think that's one of the biggest reasons why it took me so long to leave my first job but after that transition, I learned how to adjust. I learned about managing processes, and dealing with onshore counterparts. I learned Business Analysis and Functional Design. I learned Project Planning. I learned a bit more Siebel Technical work and I learned to manage people and at the same time manage the expectations of my boss. I learned that a bit of stress is alright because it pushes you, but a lot of stress pushes you over the edge. And it sucks. 

I learned that Jim loves me because he waits for me to get off work at 11 pm, then brings me home on commute just to make sure I get home safe. Then he goes back to his apartment at 1 am. We rinse and repeat a couple more times in one week, and he says he misses me still. I learned that without him, I would've gone insane. I learned that God has struck this balance in my life--he gave me a rock to keep me stable. I am capable of being my own rock, but Jim is my substitute these days. I am busy helping make the wheels turn in my Project. 

I learned that work isn't everything, but work is essential for me to live. I need money, I need my pride. If work does not give me pride, I should walk away from it. Right now, I am ashamed that I am working on weekends and doing 12 hour shifts every day of the week week and so I have made the decision to leave. A bit of me is ashamed that I will be leaving, but I have to think of myself too. This kind of job is not just far from ideal, it's unhealthy. It's making me miss a lot of things in my life--my family, my friends, my passion, even my lunch. And now that I'm thinking about it, getting a stable income from a reputable company is bad compensation for a job that I hate.

I have high regard for my own company. I respect its processes and the technology that it provides its employees. I respect their emphasis on quality and leadership. Maybe it's because I am in the wrong Project. Maybe other employees in this organization have it better. I really hope so.

The walking away part is the hardest part. I've met some great people in this company and developed friendships with my co workers. I especially love my team for being the most hard working and fun team I've had in my career. The dealing with change is the scariest. God knows what's in store for me in my next endeavor. But I am willing to accept it because it's time for me to leave. 

I am so ready.